Are My Standards Too High? 10 Must-Have Relationship & Dating Standards

If you’ve been trying to date for a while and are still single, you may be wondering, are my standards too high?

You should have standards for dating—you don’t want to settle or be so desperate to date anyone—but how do you know when your standards are too high?

And what are examples of dating standards or relationship standards that you should have?

If you’ve been saying, “I have standards” or “I want to date someone but my standards are too high”, you’re in the right place.

In this blog post, we’ll discuss how to know if your dating standards are too high, including:

• Examples of dating standards that you should have
• Are my standards too high quiz
• Christian dating standards

Standards for Dating – Examples of Dating Standards

Before we talk about how to determine if your standards are too high, let’s discuss dating standards and a list of dating standards or examples of standards that you should have in a relationship.

Remember, standards in dating are a GOOD thing.

You don’t want to settle in a relationship for less than you deserve, and you don’t want to agree to date anybody you meet.

It’s a crazy dating world out there, and there are a lot of people out there who you do not want to go out with.

What are examples of dating standards that you should have?

Below is a list of dating standards or relationship standards that you should consider when dating someone:

• The person treats you with respect
• You share the same faith or spiritual beliefs
• You actually enjoy hanging out together
• You feel some type of attraction toward them, either toward their physical appearance or their personality
• The other person is not currently in a relationship and shows that he is ready to be in a relationship
• You share the same core values on major life decisions (politics, family values, spiritual, etc.)
• The guy pursues you and is willing to pay for the date
• He asks good questions and shows interest in getting to know you
• The guy shows that he is mature, and doesn’t act like he’s still in a fraternity on the weekends
• The guy has a job or is working toward pursuing a degree (he doesn’t spend his days doing nothing or playing video games)

Other Dating Standards

While these are basic dating standards to have, you may also have other standards or preferences that you look for in guy.

Other dating standards or preferences can include:

• The type of job they have
• How much money they make
• How tall they are
• What they look like
• Where they live
• Whether they want kids
• What kind of car they drive
• What they enjoy doing for fun
• Whether they are into fitness or health
• Whether they like to travel
• Whether they like dogs, cats, or other pets
• Whether they share your same political beliefs

When you write down all of the qualities or things that you are looking for in a guy, this is often known as the “list”.

And while it’s healthy to have standards, if your standards are too high, or if your “list” is too long, this may actually be preventing you from meeting and dating the person that God has for you.

“The List” of Dating Standards - How to Determine if Your Standards Are Too High

In the dating world, certain traits, qualities, or characteristics that you want in a spouse are also known as "the list."

This list can become a list of dating standards, and can help you identify what you are looking for in a spouse.

There are so many types of guys out there, and it's important to understand what is most important to you in a future spouse.

In Philippians 4:6, the Bible tells us to pray about everything and to tell God what you need. So when it comes to dating, we should be able to come to God in prayer and ask him for specific things we are believing for in a husband.

But if you compare every guy you meet to this list of standards and won’t consider dating someone if they don’t meet all these criteria, your standards are too high.

But how do you know if your standard is too high?

To determine if your standards are too high, you need to identify the things on your “list” that are considered deal breakers or nonnegotiables, and the things that are considered preferences or nice to have.

Non-negotiables are also known as deal breakers, where if the guy doesn't have these qualities, then he's not the one or you wouldn’t consider dating him.

For example, if he's not open to pursuing God, this would be a non-negotiable or a deal breaker for Christians that want to honor God and be equally yoked in dating.

Or if you're a mom and have kids, and you meet a guy who doesn't want kids, this could be another non-negotiable on your list.

Preferences on the other hand are qualities or traits you would like in a husband, but shouldn't automatically cause you to turn a guy down.

For example, let's say you want a guy who is at least 6 feet tall, has a certain type of job, and loves to work out.

While these are all wonderful traits to desire in a man, these preferences shouldn't automatically cause you to reject someone if they don't possess these qualities.

Certain physical traits like a guy's height, skin color, eye color, or race would also fall in this category of preferences.

Example Dating List of Deal Breakers & Preferences

Below is what my list of dating standards looked like when I was single and waiting on God for a husband.

Nonnegotiables or Deal Breakers

• Has a relationship with God
• Wants kids
• Shares the same core values

Preferences

• Works out and is into fitness
• Likes dogs
• Enjoys going to the beach
• Likes to travel
• Is ambitious, but knows how to take time off
• Is taller than me
• Likes to cook (because I don’t like to!)

Are my standards too high?

If you’ve been treating some of your preferences as dealbreakers, this may mean that your standards are too high.

And if you’ve been writing a guy off just because he doesn’t meet some of your preferences, then it’s time to lower your standards.

Are my standards too high with physical preferences?

In today's dating world, so many people choose to date someone based on physical looks alone, which could be one of the main reasons people are struggling to find a spouse and are still single.

Many women decide NOT to date someone if a guy isn't their type, or if a guy doesn't possess certain physical traits that they are looking for.

Unless God has revealed specific physical traits that your husband will have, I suggest leaving physical traits open and asking God to show you the type of man that he has for you.

Both me and my husband made "a list" of qualities that we were praying for in a future spouse, and God showed my husband that his "list" was actually holding him back from seeing me as his wife.

For years, my husband was convinced his future wife was blonde, but God showed him that he was actually idolizing this physical feature in a woman.

(That was part of the reason it took my husband an entire year to ask me out - he was praying for a blonde & I'm a natural brunette!)

You can learn more about our godly love story, but when it comes to praying over certain physical preferences, the point is to be open to the person that God has for you.

Should you have standards for physical preferences at all?

You shouldn’t base who you go out with based on physical attraction alone, but having some type of attraction is important in a relationship.

God wants you to be attracted to your spouse—if you’ve read the book Song of Solomon in the Bible (also referred to as Song of Songs), you'll see that God intended for husbands and wives to have passion and chemistry in their marriage.

So when it comes to standards for physical preferences, I suggest keeping it open and allowing God to show you the type of person that he has for you.

And don’t believe that it’s always love at first sight.

Attraction can grow over time, so don’t write a guy off just because you’re not physically attracted to him right away.

You may think you know what you want, but God knows what you need.

When I was praying for my future husband, I prayed that we would be attracted to each other and have chemistry.

But God showed me how to keep it open with physical preferences as I didn't want to be praying for something just because I thought it sounded good.

My husband is from Taiwan, and I never would have expected I would marry an Asian guy.

If I would have been praying and looking for men with blue eyes and brown hair, I would have missed out on being open to dating my husband.

Are My Standards Too High Quiz

If you’re not sure if you’re standards are too high, take this ‘Are My Standards Too High Quiz’ to help you find out.

Keep track of your responses on a piece of paper, or on your phone.

This quiz does not address all types of dating standards, or reasons why you may not consider going out with someone, but can help give you an idea if you need to lower your standards.

1) Would you consider dating someone who isn’t your typical type?

A – YES

B – NO

2) Would you ever date a guy who makes less money than you?

A – YES

B – NO

3) Would you go on a date with a guy who isn’t your ideal height?

A – YES

B – NO

4) Would you be open to dating someone who is divorced or who has kids?

A – YES

B – NO

5) Would you date someone even though you didn’t like the car they drive?

A – YES

B – NO

6) Would you consider dating someone who has a different skin color than you or who is from a different country?

A – YES

B – NO

7) Would you consider dating someone who didn’t gradate college but who is ambitious and hard working?

A – YES

B – NO

8) Would you date a guy who doesn’t work in a professional, business, or medical type job?

A – YES

B – NO

9) Would you date a guy who doesn’t have the hair color or hair style that you typically like in a guy?

A – YES

B – NO

10) Would you consider dating someone who doesn’t live in the same city?

A – YES

B – NO

Scoring for the ‘Are My Standards Too High’ Quiz

Count up the number of A’s and B’s you answered.

If you haven’t noticed, all of the A responses were Yes, and all of the B responses were No.

If you answered more B’s than A’s, or more No’s than Yes’s, then your standards may be too high.

While it’s good to have dating standards, if you answered No to the majority of these questions, you are probably determining whether you want to go out with someone based on their appearance, money, or background alone.

Just because a guy isn’t your type or doesn’t make as much money as you would like doesn’t mean you should automatically write him off.

There are a lot more important qualities to look for in a spouse, and if your dating standards are based on certain physical attributes or certain job or money achievements, this means your standards are too high.

Christian Dating Standards

If you’re a Christian and want to date someone who is also a Christian, you should be praying and asking God to bring you a man that also loves God.

Asking for a man of God is not having too high standards.

God wants you to be equally yoked in dating—he doesn’t want you to date or marry someone who doesn’t love God.

So if you were open to dating someone who wasn’t pursuing God, this would actually be compromising your standards.

But how do you know if a guy is a true Christian? How do you know if he has a relationship with God?

Sadly, just because you meet a guy at church doesn’t mean he’s a true Christian.

And just because a guy’s profile on a dating app says that he’s Christian, doesn’t mean he’s a true follower of Christ.

Below are examples of Christian dating standards to consider when looking for a spouse.

Examples of Christian dating standards

• He has a relationship with God
• He knows how to pray and isn’t afraid to pray with you
• He “walks the talk” - his life shows that he is a follower of Jesus
• He’s waiting until marriage to have sex
• He studies and meditates on God’s Word in the Bible
• He embraces the Holy Spirit
• He isn’t afraid to tithe
• He is planted in a church or in community

If you want to know more about how to tell if a guy is a Christian, check out 15 characteristics of a godly man.

And yes, finding a guy who is also waiting until marriage to have sex is a good standard to have.

Some Christian women think that there aren't any Christian men who are waiting to have sex, but this is a lie.

There are men out there who are waiting until marriage, so don't compromise on this standard just because you aren't meeting men who are obeying God in this area.

If you're not sure why waiting until marriage to have sex is a good standard to have, learn what the Bible says about sex.

It’s Good to Have Standards, But God Knows What You Need

While it’s good to have standards of what you are looking for when it comes to dating, only God can show you what you truly need.

You may think you know what you want, but God knows what you need.

Pray and ask God to show you any standards that you’ve been holding on to tight, that may be preventing you from being open to dating the person that he has for you.

And pray and ask God if you need to raise your standards in a certain area.

For example, if you’ve been compromising or settling for men that don’t have a relationship with God, make a commitment to God to only date a guy if he loves God.

Learn How to Trust God with Dating

If you want to trust God more with your future husband, join the free, 14-day future husband prayer challenge.

In the 14-day challenge, you’ll get devotions, scriptures, and prayers to pray over yourself and your future husband.

God has already spoken to so many women around the world through this challenge, and I can’t wait to see how he wants to speak to you in this season.

FAQs – Are My Standards Too High

Below are commonly asked questions when it comes to dating standards.

Is it OK to have high standards?

When it comes to dating, it is okay to have standards. Standards can be a good thing to prevent you from entering into unhealthy relationships, or from dating the wrong person.

But if your standards are too high, they can prevent you from meeting and dating the person that God has for you.

How do I know if my dating standards are too high?

If you won’t consider dating a guy if he doesn’t meet all the criteria on your list of dating standards, then your standards may be too high.

It’s good to know your dealbreakers or nonnegotiables in a relationship, but your standards are too high when you start to treat preferences as deal breakers.

For example, refusing to date someone who doesn’t share the same faith or belief in God would be a healthy standard.

But if you refused to date someone based on how they look, the job they have, their background, or what activities they enjoy doing, your standards may be too high.

Should I lower my standards?

It’s healthy to have some standards when it comes to dating and relationships.

You shouldn’t lower your standards just because you’re tired of being single.

And you shouldn’t compromise on the qualities that are most important to you in a man (like faith and family values).

But if you won’t go out with someone who isn’t your typical type, consider being more open to different type of men.

Attraction can grow over time, and you may find yourself being attracted to someone who you wouldn’t normally date.

You don't want to settle in a relationship for less than you deserve, but consider lower your standards if you are comparing every guy to your ideal list of dating standards.

With Love,